Caught between Opposing Forces

I try not to stare too much

Because then you might see what I try to hide behind my lens

You might just see

How lost I get staring into your eyes

I tell myself I will be composed

Yet here I am a giggling mess

I look forward to every encounter

Where we talk shop

I didn't set out to be attracted to you

Even now I am fighting it, my struggles futile when confronted with what attracts me to you the most; your intelligence

I am already hung up on the age gap

Our present circumstances make this unlikely to materialise into anything else

Yet I become weak, unable to gather the strength I need to resist taking that extra look

Liking how you fit into your jeans

Between my thighs uncomfortably wet, throbbing as your tongue pass over your lips; innocently or otherwise, I don't know

All I know is the effect it has on me

It's an effect that I am struggling to douse

To you I may not even exist in that way

Of this I am all too aware

Yet even so it proves challenging to fight this stirring in my heart that has started in the pit of my stomach

I pretend composure, present a front seemingly unaffected by you

The wings of my heart paddle furiously beneath the surface